How the Decisions I Have Made Shaped My Life & How Yours Can Too!
Our life is shaped by an accumulation of decisions. Some are conscious ones, some unconscious. Some are smaller, seemingly less significant or obvious in the level of lasting impact they can have, and some are huge - pivotal and life altering.
When I think back to the most memorable life changing choices I have made over the years, I feel grateful for having had the intuition, courage and fervor that supported me in choosing what I did - but I also remember how apprehensive, torn, afraid and guilty I have felt at times. I have been in the depths of despair so very often, wavering between a strong and distinct gut feeling - a heart and soul knowing, and the confusion of how far beyond the territories of normal, responsible and proper my potential action is going to be.
Caught between trying so hard to shield myself from the risk of failure, the potential scorn or the judgement of others and being true to my own soul guidance and happiness – it has been an interesting journey indeed!
At the age of 29 I was at a cross roads, I could have chosen to hang on in there and endure another decade of turbulence and decay in my marriage or, I could have decided to rise up, put mine and my children’s well-being first, take back my power and end the marriage. I chose the latter. Later, I could have chosen to say no to a chance of love and adhere to my culture’s commandment for fear of ostracism, or instead I could have entered wholeheartedly into a new and promising relationship despite the color of his skin.
I chose the latter once again. In 2014 I could have chosen to sit tight, suck it up, and wait until my kids had finished school to make the biggest move of our lives or I could have listened to my unrelenting higher guidance, overcoming at times debilitating fear and guilt - and relocate to Goa, India, where the winters are summer and the oceans front yards. Again, I chose the latter.
Each of those pivotal moments were leading to the next - feeding into a bigger picture.
When we are gifted with a soul purpose that requires us to go beyond the confines of our present life, that is way bigger than our mind’s capacity to understand it’s meaning, to comprehend ‘why’, let alone navigate how to actualize it – believing and seeing outside the realm of our current reality is damn hard. It is petrifying to get on board when there is seemingly no clear destination or guarantee of successful arrival.
Each decision has shaped not only me and my life and the lives of my children so far, but also the lives of the people I have helped over the years with my UpGrade work. Whether it be as their coach or mentor – whether they have heard me speak on stage, read my book or attended one my courses as a student. When I glance back at who I was two decades ago and ponder whether if I had not decided as I did, I know I would not be writing this today.
The most recent dilemma I faced was this : get on a flight back to Cyprus to be with my Mum on the day she would bury her father, my beloved Pappou, or stick to my plan and get on the flight that I already had scheduled taking me to Las Vegas – USA, to give a speech at a big conference. Needless to say it was a tough and uncomfortable time and although Mum said “I’m ok, as long as you are ok with it”, and I know we both have a very strong streak, it was still a big deal, plus this was my last remaining Grandparent, we were close and I was sad.
My Grandfather had seven children, fifteen Grandchildren, almost thirty Great Grandchildren and a scattering of Great Great grand babies too! We are a big and pretty traditional Greek Cypriot family - occasions like this one are a big deal. It’s what we do, if someone is getting married, baptized or having a baby, we get in a car, we jump on a plane or whatever mode of transport is needed and we show up. How could I not show up? How could I miss this occasion, not be there for Mum, be absent as everyone gathered in the village and instead, go in a completely different direction to speak to a room full of strangers? But, one of my questions was this:
“what if even one person in the sea of unfamiliar faces needs to hear what I have to say
– what if it is a game-changer for them?”
The entire experience has sparked a new and more prominent understanding within me of just how challenging making progress, transformation or big success in life, business or in general can be. We often get caught up in the idea that we are sacrificing or missing out if we head down one path instead of the other, and I know for sure it has felt like that for me, especially as a single mother – it has been all too easy to get into a ‘woe is me’ mindset and that does not ever help anyone! There is a different way though, a better and an easier way to approach this – so here are some things to consider next time you find yourself in a similar bind.
Trust what comes
Life is always working in your favor. It is never easy to take this on board, especially when it seems as though we are being tested.
Think of it like this though, life is one big lotto game and you are always winning! It may not be in the receiving of the actual results or meeting your ends goals every day, but each opening, opportunity, and the connection is linking to the next one – and if it is showing up and it feels aligned, then trust that pull, trust yourself and the situation.
Each moment we are gifted a chance to progress either physically and tangibly, which manifest as easy to identify outcomes.
For example, a new job, a pay rise, or a new relationship, or we are gifted the chance to progress and grow in a more subtle, invisible manner – in the form of personal growth, emotional healing or inner spiritual development – both types of progression are invaluable and both feed into the other pretty inextricably. Developing your trust muscle is paramount when making decisions that are in the favor of your success, freedom, and happiness; decisions that will support you in your bigger mission in life.
Say yes to the new you
It is easy to get caught up in what is ‘right’, seeing only from the eyes of others – and getting pulled away from our mission or off our path of UpGrading.
This is where it gets very personal because only you will know what is right for you. The prerequisite for knowing this and knowing it with certainty is a super amped up awareness of yourself. This is something that you must work on daily and there are tons of quick and simple ways to do this over time. Once you know how to communicate with your own inner guidance, you will be able to call yourself out when you are tempted to make a choice that will take you in the opposite direction of your progress.
A good powerful method of self-inquiry is to check whether your choice feels empowering or dis-empowering, and another is to test who you are trying to please with each potential option. Progress and different results require us to take actions that are different from the ones we usually do, and that will not always feel comfortable, but it comfortable won’t mean that it is not right.
Make peace with your decisions
I had made my peace with my Pappou several years and months before his passing, he had lived a very full life – he had a zest for life – an example to us all to keep focusing forward, and he made it ninety-seven years old.
We spent a lot of lovely time together while he was still lucid and relatively chatty. We laughed we reminisced, we laughed some more and I helped ease his discomfort with energy healing which I kept up distantly until his passing. Even though it was still deeply saddening for me and I would need to allow myself space to grieve, I was ok with my decision and any wavering or uncertainty was coming from either a fear of judgment from others or my own self-criticism and judgment that I was choosing the wrong path.
Feel and follow your intuition…
Then get your mind on your side to stay strong, it can be devious at times and so will likely spin you a ton of negative stories – you do not have to listen though! The most important take away that I’d like to leave you with is to be kind to yourself. You can not ever please everyone and the sooner you make peace with that, the freer you will be to continue to live out your passion, purpose, and mission in life; whatever that may be for you.
Our life is shaped by an accumulation of decisions. Some are conscious ones, some unconscious. Some are smaller, seemingly less significant or obvious in the level of lasting impact they can have, and some are huge - pivotal and life-altering. Some will come from heart, some from the mind, some from fear and some from trust and joy.